Sayonara: Hanamichi's POV
by Optimistic-Pessimistz
Summary: Sakuragi angst. Re-edited and re-formatted.


**Title:** Sayonara - Hanamichi's POV

**Author:** OptimisticPessimist, a.k.a. SeraphKirin

**Pairing/s:** RuHana

**Rating:** PG-13

**Status:** One-Shot

**Genre:** Angst

**Chapter:** 1/2

**Email:** seraphkirinhotmail.com

**Disclaimers:** All Disclaimers Apply.

**Archive:** SDBC, Fanfiction.net and Fandomination.net... that's about it I think.

Sayonara: Hanamichi's POV 

_"I think we should break up."_

I knew that this would happen sooner or later.

_"I think we should break up"_

Despite knowing that this would happen beforehand, I still felt intense pain lance through me at the words he uttered.

I close my eyes, feeling a headache coming on.

I know that he is perplexed by my lack of response to his proposal.

Proposal.

My lips curved into a fleeting smile that was impossible for him to notice. Somewhere in my mind, I observed the grim irony of using that word as immensely funny if not for the circumstances that I had chosen to use it in.

What was I thinking?

This isn't time for jokes and dry humour.

In fact, as I slowly open my eyes to look at him straight in the eye, there was no more unlikely time as now for laughter when all I could prepare myself for was for the inevitable pain of cutting myself away from some one I once believed to be my other half.

He averted his eyes, seemingly too guilt-ridden to face me.

To face what he had done to me.

Somehow… I found that strangely amusing, ironic though the situation is.

He had always been a straightforward man who thrived on competition, meeting the strong with his innate strength. Now, however, he is afraid of my reaction to our separation?

Ah, the irony of it all.

I study his every feature; it was as if I wanted to burn what happened with him tonight deeply into my mind.

His eyes.

They were icy-blue when we first met on Shohoku's rooftop. They became stormy-blue when we squabbled and fought in basketball practice over trivial matters. They lightened to bright cobalt when he finally confessed his feelings for me and was given my acceptance. They darkened to a midnight blue, when we made love at night and when his eyes cloud over with desire for me. They dimmed to indigo whenever he looked at me with repressed longing, heated jealousy and a fear that I would leave him one day.

How ironic this is, since that he is the one leaving me now…

My bitterness at our current situation swamps me. I closed my eyes at the sudden and involuntary pain that that thought brought me.

He was the one who started all this… It was evident now that he was the one to end it all as well…

I reopen my eyes to look at him again.

They say that the eyes are the windows to one's soul…

It was true, I supposed. He'd never expressed more with them. Of course, his other features were equally striking.

His face, for an instance. Pale with smooth skin. A lean face almost like a woman's.

His lips. Full, luscious lips that begged to be kissed every time I looked at them. They are normally a simple pale red but they blossomed to a sensuous burgundy when kissed. Those lips came with a devilishly talented tongue that once brought me to the highest peak of pleasure.

His body.

I ran my eyes over it.

Lean. Muscular. Lithe. There wasn't anything bad to say about those abs that he possesses anyway. Long, supple legs that had before, encircled my waist to bring us closer together while making love… His arms… once flung open in abandon… once holding me down as we brought each other to orgasm… Those arms that had held me with such tenderness…

Every part of him… once so familiar, so warm, so loving… now, icy-cold, stiff and aloof…

I close my eyes and let the flood of memories swamp me with an inescapable sea of emotions.

The first time we met…

The first time we fought

Our combined fight against Ryonan…

My first dunk in the match against Shoyo and his unexpected praise of it…

Our loss against Kainan… the first time he held me in his arms and comforted me… the first time I rejected him…

Our first match in the IH competitions… My jealousy when the captain of our first match offered him an ointment to use for his eye…

Sannoh, when I finally worked with him TOGETHER as a team… it was also then that I hurt my back…

The time when I finally admitted out loud to him that I did love him…

Our first kiss…

The first time we made love…

A lone tear slid down my cheek.

I was crying.

_I was crying._

I knew that it was over. I felt, rather than saw, him stiffen. I know he can see me crying. But I didn't care. Not that tears were of any use right now anyway.

Begging him not to end this relationship would hurt the both of us even more. I knew that, I knew that he knew that too. It would be for the best if this ended quietly between the two of us.

No tantrums. No pleading. No blaming each other.

Just mutual, mature acceptance that the time had come for us to go our separate ways.

It was as simple as that.

We each bore the other's best interests at heart and innately, I knew, I felt that this was the best way out of a relationship that both of us were struggling in.

But, damn it, it hurt so much to let go of some one I've been used to having around. Some one I trusted as a friend, a confidant, and a lover.

_It hurt so bad_.

But it was for the best. I know it was for the best.

But it still hurt.

Brusquely brushing my tears away, I got up from my seat on the sofa.

My sudden shift from stillness to motion startled him. He looked up at me uncertainly.

"Hanami-"

I cut him off. "Don't worry about me. I'm perfectly fine and I also understand what you are going through now."

I looked at him in the eye, all traces of my tears gone. I smiled wryly at him, my eyes reflecting my sorrow and pain. I felt hollowed out inside. I felt empty. I knew that he could see all this in my eyes.

"Hana-"

I moved away from him before he could reach for me.

"Don't. It's over. We're over." I felt a measure of pride at my self-control in holding myself back from him.

Lord. He will never know how much effort it took me just to say those few words. I wanted nothing more than to take the momentary comfort that he offered. But that comfort had a price.

I would never be able to leave him without begging him not to do this to me, to us.

It was better this way.

I would at least retain some of my dignity and not utterly humiliate myself by going on my knees (which I know I will do if I took that proffered comfort) to entreat him to return to me.

I pick up my sports bag, slinging it over my shoulder, slightly surprised at the way that my habits easily come into play. It was as if just now had never happened. I was a little thankful for that.

"So," I paused as he slowly got up to open the door for me. He couldn't stop me from leaving. He doesn't have the right to. Not after tonight.

He is waiting for me to continue my sentence. My back is facing him, but I could feel his eyes boring into me, questioning, scrutinizing.

"I guess I'll be seeing you around."

Silence.

We both know that I was lying. We would never try to see each other for the rest of our lives. It hurt too much. After what we've gone through, it hurt too much.

It was more than enough hurt I could bear taking from the same guy for a lifetime.

We both knew that there was too much left unsaid. Too much left behind in our memories that will only serve to hurt us even more.

No. I certainly would never want to see him again. My heart was already damaged beyond repair. And, if God willing, I pray fervently that I would NEVER have to see him again.

It was enough.

Was it?

I hesitated, last minute doubts filling my mind.

Did I give him up too easily? Did I not fight hard enough for him?

I had the strongest impulse to beg, to entreat, to plead, to threaten or blackmail him even, into coming back to me.

But no. I knew that that was not the case.

In fact, it was never the case. I did more than my fair share of our relationship.

But it still wasn't enough. It was never enough. Not enough for him.

We were wrong for each other from the start. We never should have even started this.

Strengthening my resolve, I left his house, his silence accompanying me all the way to the gate of his house.

Outside, the full moon greeted me with startling brightness. The empty street echoed my sentiments exactly. The silence was deafening, broken only by the sound of crickets and the occasional 'meow' from a stray cat.

I placed my hand on the gate, pushing it open. Then I turned around to face him for the last time.

He watched me, the closed expression that he was famous for back on his face.

I took a deep breath, readying myself for the very last words that I would speak to him in this lifetime.

"Sayonara, Rukawa."

Having said that, I leave through his gate, taking care to close it behind me.

It was done. We were finished with each other.

As I walked down the street that was devoid of life, those words echoed in my mind again.

Sayonara, Rukawa.

Yes.

Sayonara indeed.

OWARI 

**End Author's Notes:** Well, I dunno if this is good or not. Somehow, I feel that I should write a sequel to this… any suggestions, any one? Sakuragi feels rather different here… pain does numb the soul… Any way, I hope you enjoyed this.


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